Look at how to add a positive flavour and deeper meaning to mealtimes

Hi I’m Sandy J and today’s BLOG is Food for Thought – Thought for Food

 
What does your dinner time look like in your home? Do you live alone or are you like me, living with others? Do you eat alone, or do you share mealtimes together with others, be it family or housemates? Do you want to come together with your loved ones at mealtimes and feel more connected by sharing this time together in a meaningful way?

Call me old fashioned, in my home, my family come together every day for dinner time. I was brought up in a family which upheld the same tradition. Before each meal, my brother and I helped to set the table and then when we had finished the meal, we would help clear the table and then we would help with washing the dishes and putting them away. We did this not just because this was expected of us by our parents, but because we were grateful to our Mother for the meals she made for the family.

Understandably with juggling work and children's extra-curricular activities many families have done away with family dinner time, in which everyone comes together at the same time to share a meal. Most days it would be much easier for me to leave everyone literally to their own devices and get them to help themselves to the food which I have prepared in their own time and take it to their own space to eat. Things would be much more peaceful if this were to be the norm.

But I don't, as much as I would love to give up, and give in to convenience, I persist, sometimes with great cost to my own peace of mind. I do this because I have this gnawing feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach that this is one of those battles, worth fighting. My children are growing up fast and before I know it, they will leave the nest and this opportunity for us to share this time together will be gone. I want us to feel connected. There is something sacred about this time. I know that this is an opportunity for us to share food and conversation with each other. It is a time for us to reconnect and a chance for us to exchange thoughts, feelings, and ideas.

What a family dinner time should resemble and what the usual family dinner looks like in my family, are often worlds apart. Dinner time meltdowns in the melting pot of a blended family which consists of a tween and two teens, a biological parent and a step parent, culminating in a total table of five strongminded individuals, makes many of our mealtimes the complete opposite of being an edifying experience.

One of the bi-products of going through lockdown because of Covid-19 for our family has been that we have nowhere to escape to. Before the lockdown we would have a multitude of diversions to help us justify putting any issues to one side. If there was a flare up, we would try and address it there and then. If there was no clear resolution, we usually let these issues either dissipate on their own or leave them until the next flare up to potentially try and address them. Much of the time these ongoing issues that did not have any clear resolution in sight would be put aside with the hope that "this too shall pass".

This unappetising, distasteful issue of regular meltdowns during mealtime and less than spectacular table manners is one that we have been dealing with for a very long time. We have tried many things to try and change the tone of our mealtimes and asked for better table manners, to make this time less volatile and more enjoyable for everyone.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for robust conversations full of flavour. I just don't want things getting so heated that the meal is spoiled and becomes indigestible.

Last night was one of those nights where profanities and argumentativeness seemed to be the main seasoning added to the meal which I had lovingly prepared for my family. I looked down at my plate which was a healthy colourful mix of rice with with hemp seeds, linseeds and chilli salt, with Mexican beans slow cooked with onion and diced tomatoes, nachos and a mixed green garden salad with fresh avocado, sour cream, grated tasty cheese, fresh lime, sriracha, and salsa on the side. It was a family favourite, with the children adapting their meal to their liking, forgoing the rice and substituting wraps to make their own burritos. I watched on in dismay as their wraps were literally thrown together and virtually inhaled, with big mouthfuls of food hardly chewed, before they were wolfed down, all the while talking with mouths full of food, without any real thought to what they were eating, or how they should be eating it. The children all having an attitude, I think it is fair to say, of getting the meal out of the way as quickly as possible so that they could leave the table and return to their devices. Even though there is an expectation for everyone to help clear the table after a meal and for one of the children to help with the cleaning up, with a rotating roster of whose turn it is to clean up, this is invariably done by all with an attitude of some injustice being asked of them. 

It has been clear for a long time that we do not hold the same values about this part of our daily routine. What I see as being a Sacred time is seen as some sort of inconvenience to the children. The result for the most part is that this point of contention spoils this time and spoils the meals that we are all trying to digest for our sustenance. What should be edifying is anything but. The food is good, packed with great nutritional value, but the atmosphere is often so rancid it spoils the good food.

In my despair, I sat down after dinner and my husband lovingly offered me his favourite book, (The Hare Krishna Book of Vegetarian Cooking, by Adiraja dasa). It was easy to immerse myself in the pages of this beautiful book. I will say that neither my husband nor I are Hare Krishna. We are both Spiritual and Vegetarian, but not followers of the Religion. Like the many walks of faith, there is innate wisdom in many of the teachings of this faith. What captivated me immediately was that this book dedicated itself to the Philosophy behind Vegetarianism, as being a means to a Higher End.

This is what that pang of inner hunger deep down inside of me was longing for; deep down I believed that food was more than just a physical need to sustain us and an integral part of good health. There was a deeper understanding that I wanted my children to recognise and value.

Because food is a form of life and helps to form life, it is truly deserving of our reverence, our gratitude, and our best effort to make times of eating enjoyable for all.

Reading the philosophy of the Hare Krishna's Philosophy on Vegetarianism articulated in words that I had been long trying to convey to my children was like stumbling on a pot of gold. For the first time in a long time I saw hope that things may change for the better for us as a family at mealtimes.

Today I wrote down some of the thoughts expressed in the (Hare Krishna Book of Vegetarian Cooking, by Adiraja dasa) on a Blackboard which sits leaning against a wall at the end of our dining table for the whole family to reflect on (see above picture).

I am not expecting things to change overnight at our dining table because I have made this sign for my family to try and digest. I expect we will all have to stew on it awhile for the deeper meaning to rise to our consciousness. Just like a stew, the longer it simmers, the more the flavours become infused and robust and tasty.

The children did take time to read over the Blackboard and that was the first step, they laughed and joked as they read it out irreverently, which makes it clear that these ideas need more time to seep in. Before we said our usual Blessing or Prayer before starting dinner, I asked everyone to put their cutlery down and take a moment to look at their dinner plate, which was laden with good food and give some thought to where things may have been grown, the work it took to harvest and to transport it and to get it to our home and to get it onto our table. And finally, to give thanks for all of this. To my delight, the children did as I asked and there was a real reverence when we said our simple Prayer of Thanksgiving before we ate our meal. At that moment I felt truly connected to my family.

Tomorrow I plan to invite everyone to dinner and ask them to bring with them conversation that is edifying to everyone at the dinner table. My husband introduced a conversation starter which he called "Fun Facts" quite some time ago and it worked for a good long while, to stimulate some really interesting thoughts and conversations. It also gave me an opportunity to see how smart my children really are. Instead of the on-line, gaming diatribe that is often the main focus of conversation with the children at the dinner table, I am surprised and impressed with the wealth of knowledge they all have. This also reinstates my faith that the internet is an amazing resource for the children to broaden their knowledge base outside of their school curriculum. Not just a gaming and social media vortex.

What makes me really happy is that aligning myself with the Spiritual Wisdom of the importance of a positive tone to be set and upheld at the family dinner table has brought things back into focus for me. Rather than hold onto feelings of resentment towards the ones I love because they have yet to reach this understanding, I feel happy to keep persevering with daily mealtimes together, even if the change is a slow one.

Now, moreso than I have felt in a long while, I am really looking forward to cooking, serving, and eating in joyful reverence. It is all an act of love as well as an act of life.

Lockdown has slowed us down to a point where we can give food for thought and thought for food. As much as we would like to escape and be anywhere else but facing the prospect of another unruly mealtime, having this opportunity to face our issues and try to look for ways to rise above them definitely seems like a blessing in disguise. And I am going to lap up every last opportunity I see to make my family stronger, happier, healthier and more connected.

Maybe you have ideas, thoughts and feelings that you would like to share with me and others about ways in which you have made mealtimes more special too. I welcome your input.

Stay well, stay healthy, stay happy.

COVID-19 - Life on Life's Terms

                                            

Click to hear an audio version

Hi, my name is Sandy J, and this is my first post, which I hope will be the first of many.

Like most people, in most places around the world, who are not involved in essential services, I am currently in lockdown. Thankfully, I am not alone.

I am at home with my husband, my three teenage children, our two dogs and our two chickens. Like most people, I am at home all of the time now, except when I drag the children and the dogs out for a walk once a day, so we can get some much needed exercise. I say drag the children, because they are always reluctant to say the least, to be taken away from their comfortable sedentary state. Usually by the time we get down the end of our street, they have stopped grumbling about going for a walk and they forget their protests and look and feel more alive and less like zombies by the time we get home again.

I love my children more than life itself, but the transition from a routine of work, school, extra-curricular activities, clubs and social groups to having to walk away from my small business venture and deciding to take my children out of school a week before the state Government announced an early start to the Easter school holidays, has seriously challenged my patience. Knowing that it is all necessary has helped me to make big decisions based on risk assessment and my logical mind can reconcile this. But those children who I love so dearly, who vie for every opportunity to be on screens and have been pushing back with every request for routine and order, has been enough to drive me crazy. That’s not to mention the stress of trying to manage the food to try and make things last as long as possible. Trying to get children to understand that there are supply shortages and getting to outlets to get supplies is something we need to minimise as much as we possibly can, has been difficult to say the least. Before this we lacked for nothing. We literally had access to an endless supply of whatever we felt we would like to have.

This expectation which is the norm in many countries around the world has trained us to have this unrealistic expectation of instant gratification, all of the time. So now we are asked to make many concessions, we are all reeling in shock and pushing back because our expectations of having our every desire met has been a part of what we have come to believe is normal.

Like everyone the first couple of weeks as life as we know it, came to a staggeringly abrupt halt, as a family we faltered and floundered and prepared for what was clearly on the horizon. We had to come to terms with a new societal norm, which was essentially to be ready for things to invariably change radically from one day to the next. These were not small concessions we were called upon to implement, they were not just little inconsequential things, but big things which impacted every part of what we have all grown accustomed to having in our lives. Namely, employment, education, food and other necessary resources and an expectation to have access to health services and supplies. Everything we had been used to having readily on hand and part of our day to day lives was suddenly thrown into a melting pot of uncertainty.

I would really like this post to be like I am having a conversation with you. We may never meet; but in these times of self-isolation it is really important that we reach out to each other and try and connect in meaningful ways. We are all going through the Covid-19 Pandemic together. We are isolated with good reason, but in this isolation, it is easy to feel as though we are alone.

I have written a book called The Key. You won’t find it on Amazon or other platforms, as I am waiting to be published. I wrote this book in 2019 to help people who may be feeling frightened and isolated, to feel empowered despite their circumstances.

I know what it is like to feel trapped with no way out. I know what it is like to have limitations thrust upon you because of circumstances out of your control. I know what it is like to feel scared and alone. I know what it is like to experience heightened anxiety. I know what it is like to live in a hyper-vigilant state, anticipating danger and not knowing where or when it will strike next. I know what it is like to feel like no one else knows or understands how hard or dysfunctional things are behind the front door of your own home. I know what it is like to have freedoms and liberties taken away from you. I know what it is like to lose control.

If I know all that, how can that possibly be of help to you?  Hopefully, it can. Not only can I help you feel as though you are not alone in what you are feeling and what you are dealing with, because I am someone who has experienced what you are now going through. I am here, letting you know that there are others like you, others who have the same struggles and are dealing with similar problems to your own. My aim is that I can hopefully help you focus on what you can do, rather than feel overwhelmed by your limitations.

We are all effectively victims of circumstance at the moment, not because of anything we have done, but because a virus with serious health consequences and implications, is spreading all over the world like wildfire, there is an insidious nature with the threat of the Covid-19 virus which leaves everyone literally locking themselves in their own homes to try and stay safe and minimise the chance of communal transmission. I am following government guidelines and recommendations and taking the risks into serious consideration. This situation is not in my control or anyone else’s and so there is every good reason to bunker down and adapt.

As hard as it is, we can adapt, and the good news is that we can also find peace and happiness in spite of our circumstances.

What I would like to do is to explore ideas which might help others deal with the current hardships they face. With time, help, a positive proactive approach and a ton of perseverance, I found a way out of my situation and began to rebuild my life from a point of absolute brokenness. We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can look for ways to rise above the problems.

One of the most powerful keys to rising above the problems is to accept the change and adapt. Learning to accept life on life’s terms is one of the most important keys we can have to finding peace in the midst of crisis and turmoil.

Recently I heard on the news that 1,000,000 people have contracted the Covid-19 Virus. That is approximately 5% of the population of Australia, which is the country of my origin. The transmission of this virus has been rapid and exponential. It has also been reported that the actual number of people who have Covid-19 is estimated to be between 5 to 10 times more than the current official number of cases which have tested positive. That is a staggering sobering number to consider. Many of the predictions are grim and are too much to fathom in real terms. It is natural for people to feel overwhelmed by the threat of the escalated spread of the virus, as well as the short term and potential long-term impacts this will have.

Because of the threat of a spread of the virus beyond the capabilities of the health care systems in place around the world, we are being asked to stay at home unless it is essential for us to leave our home for work, food or healthcare. This has resulted in radical changes to every aspect of our lives and much of the time to our livelihoods.

Change is being thrust on all of us, from the young to the old and from one day to the next, as the situation progresses, and new critical needs are identified.

The enormous pressure that people are under is coming out in ways which is making people snap. If you compare this situation and what is arising from this situation to a rubber band, we are all being made to stretch beyond our normal limits. When a rubber band is stretched too far, it snaps. And sometimes when it snaps, we can experience that physical pain from that rubber band snapping right back at us with all the force of the limit which it was stretched to when it snapped. Ouch! It hurts. And sometimes when that rubber band snaps, it can fly off out of our control and hit someone else in its line of fire.

Just like the rubber band when we are stretched beyond our normal limits, we have the same tendency to snap. When we lose our sense of wellbeing and we are overwhelmed with the pressures we are facing, because our foundations have suddenly become like sinking sand; we react defensively and instinctively. That primordial instinct of fight or flight kicks in and reason and calm evaporate into thin air and disappear. Feelings of frustration and confusion and here comes the big driving emotion that we all face, the one that holds us to ransom, the one that stops us in our tracks, the one that takes hold and takes control, fear can then envelop us and can even consume us. Then instead of being calm and rational, fear drives us to react to circumstances, instead of responding to them.

The telling thing is that now many people who have never experienced domestic violence are seeing breakdowns in their relationships because of the tremendous stresses that they are under. Just recently there was a 75% increase in Google searches on domestic violence. This massive increase speaks volumes about the very real pressures people are under and the way it is impacting families. At no time is domestic violence, or violence of any nature ok. The more people are able to find a place of calm in the middle of all the stress being put on them, the less violent tendencies should arise.

I know from first-hand experience what domestic violence looks like. This is the experience that took control of my life and took years for me to escape from and rebuild my life from. It breaks my heart to think that the current health crisis that we are facing with the Covid-19 virus is putting families under so much strain that people who would otherwise not snap and resort to abusive behaviour, quite literally do and are. We need to find a place of calm in ourselves so that we do not lash out at the ones we love.

The first bit of advice I want to give anyone reading this is to be kind to yourself and others. Please, please, remember that we are all being called upon to make massive changes. Try and focus on the absolute basics and try and focus on the short term as everything is so prone to change from one day to the next.

We have all been brought to a stop. It’s up to you how you use this time. If you remember one thing that is that time is yours, why not make a friend of this time that has been given to you to do positive, helpful, constructive and creative things.

I am not discounting what you have had to sacrifice because of this health Pandemic. I am just asking you to try and make the best of a bad situation in whatever way you can.

I’m not suggesting you bury your head in the sand and pretend that everything is fantastic.

I am asking you to please try and find a space of calm. If this means taking yourself off from your loved ones for half an hour to relax enough for calm reasonable thought to surface, then if you know everyone can be left for that half an hour and survive without you, go and find a quiet space. When you have a feeling of clarity, then you can begin to work through your challenges in a constructive way.

This problem with the Covid-19 Pandemic isn’t going away tomorrow, or any time soon. It is very important that we all find ways to work through this problem in our personal lives and our homes and as a part of our local community and the wider community of being a part of this world.

I invite you to stop and take a deep breath and turn your mind to what you can do.

Please stay home, stay safe and count your blessings. The more things you can think of to be grateful for, the better you will begin to feel. Remember we are all in this together.

I invite you to contact me with ideas you would like to me to explore in other posts.

Wishing you well.