COVID-19 - Life on Life's Terms

                                            

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Hi, my name is Sandy J, and this is my first post, which I hope will be the first of many.

Like most people, in most places around the world, who are not involved in essential services, I am currently in lockdown. Thankfully, I am not alone.

I am at home with my husband, my three teenage children, our two dogs and our two chickens. Like most people, I am at home all of the time now, except when I drag the children and the dogs out for a walk once a day, so we can get some much needed exercise. I say drag the children, because they are always reluctant to say the least, to be taken away from their comfortable sedentary state. Usually by the time we get down the end of our street, they have stopped grumbling about going for a walk and they forget their protests and look and feel more alive and less like zombies by the time we get home again.

I love my children more than life itself, but the transition from a routine of work, school, extra-curricular activities, clubs and social groups to having to walk away from my small business venture and deciding to take my children out of school a week before the state Government announced an early start to the Easter school holidays, has seriously challenged my patience. Knowing that it is all necessary has helped me to make big decisions based on risk assessment and my logical mind can reconcile this. But those children who I love so dearly, who vie for every opportunity to be on screens and have been pushing back with every request for routine and order, has been enough to drive me crazy. That’s not to mention the stress of trying to manage the food to try and make things last as long as possible. Trying to get children to understand that there are supply shortages and getting to outlets to get supplies is something we need to minimise as much as we possibly can, has been difficult to say the least. Before this we lacked for nothing. We literally had access to an endless supply of whatever we felt we would like to have.

This expectation which is the norm in many countries around the world has trained us to have this unrealistic expectation of instant gratification, all of the time. So now we are asked to make many concessions, we are all reeling in shock and pushing back because our expectations of having our every desire met has been a part of what we have come to believe is normal.

Like everyone the first couple of weeks as life as we know it, came to a staggeringly abrupt halt, as a family we faltered and floundered and prepared for what was clearly on the horizon. We had to come to terms with a new societal norm, which was essentially to be ready for things to invariably change radically from one day to the next. These were not small concessions we were called upon to implement, they were not just little inconsequential things, but big things which impacted every part of what we have all grown accustomed to having in our lives. Namely, employment, education, food and other necessary resources and an expectation to have access to health services and supplies. Everything we had been used to having readily on hand and part of our day to day lives was suddenly thrown into a melting pot of uncertainty.

I would really like this post to be like I am having a conversation with you. We may never meet; but in these times of self-isolation it is really important that we reach out to each other and try and connect in meaningful ways. We are all going through the Covid-19 Pandemic together. We are isolated with good reason, but in this isolation, it is easy to feel as though we are alone.

I have written a book called The Key. You won’t find it on Amazon or other platforms, as I am waiting to be published. I wrote this book in 2019 to help people who may be feeling frightened and isolated, to feel empowered despite their circumstances.

I know what it is like to feel trapped with no way out. I know what it is like to have limitations thrust upon you because of circumstances out of your control. I know what it is like to feel scared and alone. I know what it is like to experience heightened anxiety. I know what it is like to live in a hyper-vigilant state, anticipating danger and not knowing where or when it will strike next. I know what it is like to feel like no one else knows or understands how hard or dysfunctional things are behind the front door of your own home. I know what it is like to have freedoms and liberties taken away from you. I know what it is like to lose control.

If I know all that, how can that possibly be of help to you?  Hopefully, it can. Not only can I help you feel as though you are not alone in what you are feeling and what you are dealing with, because I am someone who has experienced what you are now going through. I am here, letting you know that there are others like you, others who have the same struggles and are dealing with similar problems to your own. My aim is that I can hopefully help you focus on what you can do, rather than feel overwhelmed by your limitations.

We are all effectively victims of circumstance at the moment, not because of anything we have done, but because a virus with serious health consequences and implications, is spreading all over the world like wildfire, there is an insidious nature with the threat of the Covid-19 virus which leaves everyone literally locking themselves in their own homes to try and stay safe and minimise the chance of communal transmission. I am following government guidelines and recommendations and taking the risks into serious consideration. This situation is not in my control or anyone else’s and so there is every good reason to bunker down and adapt.

As hard as it is, we can adapt, and the good news is that we can also find peace and happiness in spite of our circumstances.

What I would like to do is to explore ideas which might help others deal with the current hardships they face. With time, help, a positive proactive approach and a ton of perseverance, I found a way out of my situation and began to rebuild my life from a point of absolute brokenness. We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can look for ways to rise above the problems.

One of the most powerful keys to rising above the problems is to accept the change and adapt. Learning to accept life on life’s terms is one of the most important keys we can have to finding peace in the midst of crisis and turmoil.

Recently I heard on the news that 1,000,000 people have contracted the Covid-19 Virus. That is approximately 5% of the population of Australia, which is the country of my origin. The transmission of this virus has been rapid and exponential. It has also been reported that the actual number of people who have Covid-19 is estimated to be between 5 to 10 times more than the current official number of cases which have tested positive. That is a staggering sobering number to consider. Many of the predictions are grim and are too much to fathom in real terms. It is natural for people to feel overwhelmed by the threat of the escalated spread of the virus, as well as the short term and potential long-term impacts this will have.

Because of the threat of a spread of the virus beyond the capabilities of the health care systems in place around the world, we are being asked to stay at home unless it is essential for us to leave our home for work, food or healthcare. This has resulted in radical changes to every aspect of our lives and much of the time to our livelihoods.

Change is being thrust on all of us, from the young to the old and from one day to the next, as the situation progresses, and new critical needs are identified.

The enormous pressure that people are under is coming out in ways which is making people snap. If you compare this situation and what is arising from this situation to a rubber band, we are all being made to stretch beyond our normal limits. When a rubber band is stretched too far, it snaps. And sometimes when it snaps, we can experience that physical pain from that rubber band snapping right back at us with all the force of the limit which it was stretched to when it snapped. Ouch! It hurts. And sometimes when that rubber band snaps, it can fly off out of our control and hit someone else in its line of fire.

Just like the rubber band when we are stretched beyond our normal limits, we have the same tendency to snap. When we lose our sense of wellbeing and we are overwhelmed with the pressures we are facing, because our foundations have suddenly become like sinking sand; we react defensively and instinctively. That primordial instinct of fight or flight kicks in and reason and calm evaporate into thin air and disappear. Feelings of frustration and confusion and here comes the big driving emotion that we all face, the one that holds us to ransom, the one that stops us in our tracks, the one that takes hold and takes control, fear can then envelop us and can even consume us. Then instead of being calm and rational, fear drives us to react to circumstances, instead of responding to them.

The telling thing is that now many people who have never experienced domestic violence are seeing breakdowns in their relationships because of the tremendous stresses that they are under. Just recently there was a 75% increase in Google searches on domestic violence. This massive increase speaks volumes about the very real pressures people are under and the way it is impacting families. At no time is domestic violence, or violence of any nature ok. The more people are able to find a place of calm in the middle of all the stress being put on them, the less violent tendencies should arise.

I know from first-hand experience what domestic violence looks like. This is the experience that took control of my life and took years for me to escape from and rebuild my life from. It breaks my heart to think that the current health crisis that we are facing with the Covid-19 virus is putting families under so much strain that people who would otherwise not snap and resort to abusive behaviour, quite literally do and are. We need to find a place of calm in ourselves so that we do not lash out at the ones we love.

The first bit of advice I want to give anyone reading this is to be kind to yourself and others. Please, please, remember that we are all being called upon to make massive changes. Try and focus on the absolute basics and try and focus on the short term as everything is so prone to change from one day to the next.

We have all been brought to a stop. It’s up to you how you use this time. If you remember one thing that is that time is yours, why not make a friend of this time that has been given to you to do positive, helpful, constructive and creative things.

I am not discounting what you have had to sacrifice because of this health Pandemic. I am just asking you to try and make the best of a bad situation in whatever way you can.

I’m not suggesting you bury your head in the sand and pretend that everything is fantastic.

I am asking you to please try and find a space of calm. If this means taking yourself off from your loved ones for half an hour to relax enough for calm reasonable thought to surface, then if you know everyone can be left for that half an hour and survive without you, go and find a quiet space. When you have a feeling of clarity, then you can begin to work through your challenges in a constructive way.

This problem with the Covid-19 Pandemic isn’t going away tomorrow, or any time soon. It is very important that we all find ways to work through this problem in our personal lives and our homes and as a part of our local community and the wider community of being a part of this world.

I invite you to stop and take a deep breath and turn your mind to what you can do.

Please stay home, stay safe and count your blessings. The more things you can think of to be grateful for, the better you will begin to feel. Remember we are all in this together.

I invite you to contact me with ideas you would like to me to explore in other posts.

Wishing you well.